Presidential Candidate Wanted

The best thing about this group of candidates is that only one of them can win. — Will Rogers

I know I’m being unrealistic, but I want a perfect candidate for president. One who isn’t going to be suddenly exposed as a liar, a cheat, or a clone of Darth Vader. Why can’t we get someone like Lincoln – who probably wouldn’t have been elected if they’d had television in his day. Maybe television is part of the problem. Look at Howard Dean and the fateful yell that took him out of the running. If the television camera hadn’t zoomed in on him at that moment, who knows – he might’ve been president.

But we didn’t want a president who screamed like a banshee when he got excited, so you can’t blame us for throwing Dean back. Say what you want about Bush, but he never screamed into the camera, unless they edited that part out, and they might have, for all I know. In their zeal they might have edited out too many parts of Bush and he was really a nice guy.

Unlike Rudy, I’ve never been able to pick a leader. Would you believe that no candidate I’ve ever voted for has won an election? I know. It’s hard to believe. It will probably be safer for the candidate I hope will win if I don’t vote for him (or her). Perhaps I’ll vote for one I don’t want to win. But that brings me to another problem. When I try to use reverse psychology it never works. If I told my children not to do something they did it anyway, but if I tried to fool them by telling them to do what I didn’t want them to do, they also did it anyway. And then smirked because they knew what I was up to.

I would be for Clinton if I was sure she was not a boob (sorry, I couldn’t resist it) as we’ve already voted for too many of those. As for Edwards, he’s so good-looking it’d be fun to watch him as well as listen to his melodious voice, but that hardly seems to be the criteria I should be looking at.

Although I hate to say it, Mitt does remind me of Darth Vader, who was half machine, half man. Maybe it’s just knowing that he got rich helping rich people get richer that turns me off (John Edwards is rich too, but he got rich helping poor people get richer).  Mitt also has a stiffness about him as if the machine part has taken over. 

As for Huckabee, I really like him, but I’ve become wary of television evangelists for good reason and in my book he’s too close to that for comfort. I don’t want the church getting a toe-hold into our presidency. For those who disagree, just look at all the trouble our founders went to in giving us not only freedom of religion, but freedom from religion, even assuring that Atheists will not be coerced by believers while at the same time securing human rights as gifts from God.  In America we celebrate what sets us apart as well as what holds us together.

In America it is the spirit of mankind that was set free.

So God Bless America. And please, God, send us a perfect candidate, one who will fire us up again (without yelling) and in every way represent the true meaning behind the words of The American Creed. And let him win even if I do vote for him.

The American Creed, formally accepted by the House of Representatives on April 3, 1918:

I believe in the United States of America as a government of the people, by the people, for the people, whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed; a democracy in a Republic; a sovereign Nation of many sovereign States; a perfect Union, one and inseparable; established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice, and humanity for which American patriots sacrified their lives and fortunes.

I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to love it; to support its constitution; to obey its laws; to respect its flag; and to defend it against all enemies.  –  William Tyler Page

Although the American creed is contained in the documents on which this country was founded in 1776, a nationwide contest was held in 1917 to choose a concise statement to be called The American Creed. The Creed summarizes and thus clarifies the fundamental principles of the American political faith as set forth in our greatest documents, our worthiest traditions, and our greatest leaders. It uses passages from the Declaration of Independence, the Preamble to the Constitution, and Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

In giving us a delcaration of our binding purpose, our Creed keeps us from being just an amorphous blend of humanity. The American Creed expresses the soul of America.          

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One Response

  1. If we can extend the joke a little further…I’d rather see a boob in the White House than a dick like we have now. But I agree. It’d be nice not to have to compromise. But we do, and whenever I hear someone speak as if they aren’t compromising with “their” candidate, I get scared.

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