The Bully Within

Do you often find yourself being attacked by a bully? I don’t mean the one at the office or the obnoxious one sent by the government to harass you. This bully waits inside you, usually until night when you’re in bed trying to sleep. He sneaks in with memories of your past trangressions (especially the embarrassing ones) using them to shame you. with. You try to chase him away but it doesn’t work. Your face grows warm, becomes buried beneath the covers.

Once this bully has your attention, it’s hard to get rid of him. “There’s nothing I can do about that now,” you say. “It was a stupid thing I did (or said). I suffered because of it.”  Or “It was an accident. I didn’t know a piece of toilet paper was stuck to my skirt. You should’ve told me instead of snickering to each other about it and pretending you didn’t see it,” Etc, etc. The things this bully has collected to shame you with knows no end. What do you do?

If a friend were to confide one of these incidents to you how would you respond? Would you feel compassion for your friend, assuring him or her that we all make mistakes and it was nothing to be ashamed of? How come it’s harder to express compassion for ourselves? Everybody needs support in healing and growth, so why shouldn’t it come from inside us?  You need to be a friend to yourself, getting rid of the bully who is set on shaming you.

The inner bully is a by-product of the lack of self-compassion. We struggle with shame and self-doubt until we are able to bridge the difference between how we treat our friends and how we treat ourselves. So kick your bully out in an act of compassion for the person you’ve become.

My Words

Do you hear it on the wind? Shhh? A whisper asking you to be quiet. So you can hear the voice of God? I believe He speaks to us always, through every thought, every feeling, every vision our eyes can see. When we learn to listen.

I have discovered that for most of my life I’ve been on a search for words; words to say just what I feel, just what I think or believe, what I mean. Yet words continue to elude me. Then recently I remembered a day when my son was four, before he entered kindergarten. He had repeated swear words he’d heard his father say. “Please,” I had pleaded with my husband “do not use those words in front of the children or they’ll repeat them.”

But I also told my son: “Those are Daddy’s words’ and you aren’t allowed to say them.” At first he listened to me but then he started kindergarten. One day when he came home from school he had learned new words, bathroom words! “Now those,” he said, “are MY words!” I was dumbfounded, hoping if I didn’t make a fuss he would outgrow the need to use them.

But it seems strange to me that all these years later I’m finally aware that the strongest need in my life, has always been to find the words with which to express my thoughts and feelings. Words to say just how I feel, to say how the sky appears to me just before a thunder-storm, as it fills with dark boiling clouds or calmly permits the Sun to shine through. For all my life I’ve been on a search for words.

I have a vision of Truth waiting for me on the peak of a mountain with many paths leading to it, aware my path is only one of many

HANGED MAN HOLLOW

Hanged Man Hollow By Amanda Nell Adams

My new book (with the correct title restored) is now on Kindle in the digital version. My daughter Teresa, who created the cover, is now creating one for the printed version, which will be available soon.💖

December 23, 2020: The print version of this novel is now available on Amazon.💝

This story is a labor of love begun long ago. For a while I called it “Calliput Mountain”. The story first came to me in an inspired writing about a young White girl who was kidnapped by a Cherokee Indian brave and bore his child on the ancestral mountain. The mountain was named for her after she died in childbirth at age fifteen. Her spirit waits for a seventh great granddaughter to come home, one named for her, whose soul also hears the song of the mountain. But the Callie who returns must recall what she once knew, but left behind, before she can remember the song.

Presidential Twenty-Year Death Curse

As a follower of Astrology, I recently mentioned the twenty-year cycle of Jupiter and Saturn, a new cycle beginning on December 21, 2020. I looked at Snopes to see what they had to say about it and discovered the following article:

Claim: Does a death curse threaten U.S. presidents elected in years evenly divisible by 20?

Origins:   With two exceptions, since 1840, U.S. Presidents who have been elected in years ending in zero have been killed or have died of natural causes while in office. And one exception literally came within an inch of death.

It’s hard to know what to make of such a sequence, but folks have certainly tried over the years. Such a string of presidential mortality is deemed too improbable to have occurred naturally, giving rise to rumors about a fatal Indian curse among those unwilling to recognize that chaos sometimes takes the form of coincidence. Randomness is disquieting; Indian curses are, in comparison, the lesser of the evils because they at least support the illusion that there is order in our universe. In this odd way, belief in predestined fatalities is comforting.

1840 … William Henry Harrison
1860 … Abraham Lincoln
1880 … James A. Garfield
1900 … William McKinley
1920 … Warren G. Harding
1940 … Franklin D. Roosevelt
1960 … John F. Kennedy

William Henry Harrison, who was elected in 1840, died of pneumonia at the age of 68, exactly one month after his inauguration.

Abraham Lincoln, first elected in 1860, was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth just after embarking on his second term in office in 1865.

James A. Garfield won the 1880 election. He was shot in the back in a Washington railroad station waiting room in July 1881 and died of his wounds in September 1881.

William McKinley was re-elected in 1900. In September 1901, after giving a speech at an exposition in Buffalo, he was shot while shaking hands with wellwishers. McKinley died of his wounds a little more than a week later.

Warren G. Harding, elected in 1920, expired of a stroke or heart attack in 1923. It was long rumored his wife had poisoned him.

Franklin D. Roosevelt, re-elected in 1940 for a third term, suffered a massive cerebral hemorrhage and died just after having started an unprecedented fourth term in 1945.

John F. Kennedy was elected in 1960 and assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald in 1963.

Ronald Reagan was elected in 1980 but managed to cheat the Grim Reaper by a matter of an inch, the distance by which would-be assassin John Hinckley’s bullet missed his heart in 1981.

Maybe Reagan also broke the “every 20 years” curse. Or maybe it’s just sleeping.

Those who look to make sense of eerie coincidences have come up with an explanation to account for this string of deaths: an ancient Indian curse, supposedly administered by Tecumseh himself after suffering defeat at the hands in William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Tippecanoe in 1811. (Tecumseh died in the 1813 Battle of the Thames, again fighting troops led by Harrison.) According to lore, the famed Indian chief cursed the Great White Fathers. No explanation is given for why the chief’s curse would only affect one presidency in five, but one cannot, after all, expect the fanciful to cover everything.

Another version attributes the curse to Tenskwatawa (also known as “The Prophet”), a Shawnee medicine man who was half-brother to Tecumseh. The hex was supposedly his revenge for the death of his half-sibling.

“Harrison will die I tell you,” the Prophet reportedly said. “And after him, every Great Chief chosen every 20 years thereafter will die. And when each one dies, let everyone remember the death of my people.”

Stirring words indeed, but there’s no reason to suppose they were actually uttered. No record of either Tecumseh or Tenskwatawa laying a whammy on American presidents has yet surfaced — it’s all undocumented folktale at this point and is as likely just someone’s imaginative backstory to the inexplicable as it is anything else.

Folks have been taking note of this string of presidential deaths for quite some time — it’s not a new snippet of spooky information recently dropped into the lap of the American people. A Ripley’s Believe It or Not book published in 1934 noted the coincidental twenty-year pattern of presidential deaths between 1840 and 1920, with question marks in place of a name for the upcoming 1940 entry indicating the presumption of a continuing pattern. The pattern did, of course, hold true again when Franklin Roosevelt, who had been re-elected in 1940, filled in that blank by dying in office in 1945.

As to what to make of the “curse,” it’s interesting to note that since 1840, only one President other than those supposedly felled by this ill-wishing has died in office: Zachary Taylor, who was elected in 1848 and died in 1850 of a stomach ailment. (Taylor’s body was exhumed in 1991 to investigate a theory that he had been poisoned with arsenic, but the results were negative). Also interesting is the notion that the curse is a prescient one, as two presidents who won elections in years ending in ‘0’ — Lincoln and Roosevelt — did not die until after beginning subsequent terms in office. Apparently the curse foresaw re-election for both of them.

The key to all this presidential demising possibly lies more within the realm of the stars than the rumored words of a dead Indian chief. Or at least so the astrologers would have us believe. According to Mark Dodich, an astrologer who has attempted to analyze the Curse of Tecumseh, the reason behind this force is one of “cosmic coincidence,” not Native American hexing. Dodich claims the curse’s effects overlap with the alignment of Jupiter and Saturn, whose orbits have lined up every twenty years.

One of the two 20-year pattern’s failures — President Ronald Reagan — is explained by the sign the alignment of these two planets occurred under. Alignments under the earth signs (Taurus, Capricorn, and Virgo) have led to dead presidents, but Reagan’s term of office occurred during an air sign, which accounted for his survival.

(My note: Nancy was consulting an Astrologer daily about his movements while they were in the White House – I believe the person in charge of his schedule was really confused about the odd directions she gave!)

According to Dodich, year 2000’s Jupiter-Saturn twinning once again occurred under the earth sign of Taurus, a phenomenon he says won’t happen again for another 600 years. It thus marks the end of a deadly cycle, but if Dodich was right about this curse thing, it would have sound the death knell for another president first. However, George W. Bush, the president elected in the supposed “curse” year of 2000, finished out two terms in good health.

I copied the preceding information from Snopes, but found the following information later, online. “The closest Bush came to death, thankfully, was on January 14, 2002, when he fainted after choking while eating a pretzel.”

Maybe he had a guardian angel watching over him.

💛 THE FOLLOWING WAS COPIED FROM A PREVIOUS POST OF MINE:

“For the past while, a series of aspects between the planets corresponding to what Astrologers call irrational degrees has been occurring, creating an opening between worlds, allowing alternate realities to disrupt our lives. Disruptive because they’re early precursors of accelerated changes that we know are coming although Astrologers cannot predict the outcome. On a personal level, when the forces of change seem to be trying to sweep us into deep waters, it is time to eliminate non-essentials from our lives, ridding ourselves of the poisons we’ve let creep into our bodies and minds, which have been steering us away from our inner truth and enlightenment. An activity that would help us to do this is chanting or singing, even if only in our minds, the simple words of a song written by Hal David and set to music by Burt Bacharach. “What the world needs now is love, sweet love, it’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. What the world needs now is love, sweet love, not just for some but for everyone.” 

“I believe this is the message the Universe is trying to send us.  Because we have free will, it is up to us how we respond.  But we also know there are two sides to everything – will we respond by loving our fellow man and trying to do what’s best for the entire world, or will we grab all the glitter we can hold and run?  Either way is synchronistic, but please may we all make the better choice.

“If we can hold onto the best that is in us, if we can banish hatefulness and intolerance from our lives, we can claim the positive side of the coming world changes.”

Hanging On, By Golly!

Anyone who knows me, recognizes my black humor so I make no claim of ignorance about what I’m going to say. What’s all this bit about death and dying. Every thing dies, everybody dies, end of discussion.

Not exactly. What if you and your two remaining siblings have had to say goodbye to the other six, counting the brother who died at 18 days old – although some psychics claim they grow up on the other side. I look forward to meeting this dude if indeed he does exist in some nether land. That brings up another question. Is there really such a thing as life after death or have we been deluded?

Long ago my eldest brother said “Folks will really be surprised when they die. All of a sudden they have the answer. They know.” I keep wondering where that brother is now and what he found out. I was with the next oldest brother when he was in Hospice care. He saw the three brothers who had already passed over standing behind me, which evidently didn’t include the baby who supposedly grew up but then he wouldn’t have been familiar, would he?

I’m reminded of the man who said “What if you die and there is no hereafter! I’m gonna me madder’n hell!” Ha ha, him and the bogeyman. My own belief is we just roll over into a different dimension of reality. Don’t ask me to explain that, please. We each have a right to our own belief and that one is mine. So I’ll wait, while hanging onto the proverbial cliff by my fingernails, enjoying communion with my two remaining siblings. Prepared to be surprised – or not.