Posted on January 1, 2016 by amanda
Mama and I sit on the front porch in the growing dark, watching a string of lights move along the side of the mountain. I ask her what they are. “It’s the Gypsies,” she says, “they always come back this time of year.”
“Where do they go off to?”
Mama tilts her head and pauses for a moment. “Someplace on the other side of the mountain, I reckon.”
A storybook picture fills my mind, of a tall covered wagon with pots and pans banging against its sides, drawn by large dark horses and led by dark-skin people in brightly colored clothes, barefoot children with tangled hair dancing along behind.
I see myself, one of those dark-skinned children, not the coming but the going, to that mysterious place on the other side of the mountain, in a Gypsy caravan with twinkling lights. I wonder if I am really a Gypsy child.
“Why do they come back,” I say.
“Why, to steal our eggs.”
Did they leave me here? I wonder. Maybe they traded me for the eggs.
The house is small and dark; we go to bed early to make the lamp oil last longer.
Lying beside Mama in the growing dark I force my eyes to stay open to keep away the monsters that hover in the darkest corner of the room, waiting for me to go to sleep. When they will invade my dreams and chase me through the terrifying night …..
Filed under: Appalachia, memories, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Posted on July 17, 2013 by amanda
I haven’t had the heart to announce on this blog that my darling little Winston passed away in April. He was twelve and a half years old and had developed diabetes, type one, of course. Insulin shots could possibly have prolonged his life for awhile but he was terrified of needles and there was no way I could administer them. His passing left such a hole in my heart that I relented in June and found a Bichon puppy to love. I thank God for the years I had my sweet Winston. I will always miss him.
I’ve also made a decision to begin an astrology service and put all those years of study and experimentation to use. I’ve come to feel I may finally have something to contribute during this time of earthly turmoil. We shall see. I will soon begin my new blog, Astrology Revolution. My fiction writing has been stuck in limbo for some time so I’m leaving it here for now to see if it speaks to me again.
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Posted on July 14, 2013 by amanda
Did you know there’s a place in the back of your mind
That’s gathering dust?
A place where you’ve stored things
Over the years
Just for awhile, you said
Until you have more time
Until you have more money
Sometimes a small beam of light flickers from this dark place
In the back of your mind
And you wonder, briefly, what it was
But then it goes out and you forget to wonder….
They still wait there, you know, beneath the dust on the shelf in the dark place in the back of your mind
To trigger your memory
And bring back your future
Filed under: Astrology, memories, Uncategorized, Writing | Leave a comment »
Posted on May 22, 2013 by amanda
As far as I know the question of which came first has never been decided, but I’ll vote for the chicken who laid the first egg. Imagine her shock when, exhausted, she rested upon the mysterious result of her labor. Perhaps she waited, curious as to what would happen next.
Warmth, a mysterious movement. The thing beneath her cracked! The chicken rose to see a tiny being emerge. Cheep Cheep! And she was never the same after that. She paraded around the barnyard, the tiny thing wobbling after her. They passed the rooster, who crowed. The chicken ignored the arrogant fellow. And then briefly wondered why he was passing out cigars.
Sorry, but I couldn’t resist posting this. I ran across it in some of my old writings and it made me laugh so I thought maybe it would make you laugh too.
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Posted on March 9, 2013 by amanda
A positive attitude can improve the quality of our life, often leading us to heights of joy. However, in finding our way as human beings, we are also vulnerable to emotional pain; even on the road to joy we become derailed by times of sorrow. One day when I asked my elderly mother a question about the past, she said, “I don’t want to remember the past, honey. It hurts too much.”
Now that I’ve reached my own twilight years and more fully understand my mother’s pain, I’ve also discovered something else. The things that hurt the most to remember now are the pains I numbed myself to when they were fresh. Even though I had this terrible ache inside, I refused to grieve. I told myself that, like Scarlett, I would deal with it tomorrow.
Some hurts I even denied, burying them so deep I’m shocked when they release fresh arrows of pain from the past into my heart. Others I rationalized by telling myself how lucky I was, that the hurt could’ve been far worse. That I had no right to feel pain because other people had it so much worse than I did. Counting my blessings.
I do believe in counting my blessings. Not by denying or ignoring my pain but doing so while also acknowledging that I have a right to grieve for my loss even while I feel grateful for my blessings.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalms 30:5
So, when your heart is heavy it is better to allow yourself to experience and express the grief until it has wrung itself out. The tears of grief are cleansing your soul, making it ready to once again receive joy.
Filed under: attitudes, memories, old age, Self-Improvement, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Leave a comment »